The sun burnt off the morning fog and I was anxious to catch a glimpse of the Atlantic.  I’ve lived near one ocean or another my entire life but had only been to the beach a handful of times.  My irrational fear of having a limb torn from my body by a shark kept me from ever setting foot in the water.  It bothered me sometimes how afraid I was to do what others did so fearlessly; without a second thought.  Bravery was another trait I apparently failed to extract from the Wheeler gene pool.

I went to the guest room to grab a pair of flip flops so I could go for a walk around the property.

“What would you like to see first?”  A bubbly, unexpected voice asked.

I whipped around in surprise grabbing my chest as if I were preventing my heart from flying out of it.  It was only Evie.  “I didn’t hear you come in, you scared me.”

“Sorry,” she laughed.

I shrugged my shoulders in response to her question, not knowing what my options were.

“I’m up for whatever, I guess.”

“Well then, how about a day trip to town?”

“Sure.”

“Great, I’ll go pull the car around front.”

Before I could say anything else, she was gone.  I didn’t know all that much about Evie, but the word fashionista came to mind more than once.  She was always dressed to impress, right down to the surgeon worthy line edging her lashes and stylish up-do.  I grumbled at the nagging suspicion that this trip to town could be translated in to a single word-shopping.  Shopping-not my thing.  I preferred to keep my wardrobe uncomplicated-jeans, layered tops, flip-flops or my Chucks.  But, I was a guest and felt obliged, so I grabbed my wallet from the top of the dresser and tried not to mope my way out the front door.  My walk would have to wait.

Another luxury car.  This one sportier than Constance’s… and fiery red.  The instant my seat belt clicked Evie took off with enough speed to force me deeper into the seat.

Light shattered the canopy of summer green, and shadows danced with the breeze making the dirt road seem less menacing than it had last night.

It was only a few short minutes before we reached the heart of Camden.  We drove down what must be the main street in town.  Cars hugged the streets curbs and carefree visitors walked up and down the sidewalks with their bags in hand-eagerly making their way through the quaint little town shops.  It was clearly a summer tourist trap, the type I usually tried to avoid.  Though I had to admit, it did have a certain charm to it.

The day felt as if there was no sense of time attached to it; vastly different from the structured military regime I was accustomed to.  Evie and I traveled from store to store, mostly just window shopping, but occasionally she would come across something she couldn’t possibly live another minute without.

I was disappointed that I didn’t get to hear much about the family.  Just bits, like Miles being a forensic psychologist and Constance tending to the family-something she did very well from what I could tell.  I kind of pegged her as the nurturing type when she picked me up.  I wanted to ask about Alex and Matt but felt nosey.

Evie found the store she said she had been meaning to get to for a while ‘Josephines’.

“A dress shop?”  I asked nervously as we walked through the door.

While pawing through the dresses for what seemed like an eternity, I took the opportunity to ask about our family connection.

“So, our dads are close,” I said.

Evie smiled warmly.  “Very.”

I was compelled by curiosity to ask the most obvious question and then surprised by the answer.

“Why is this the first time we have ever met?”  I asked.

She put down the red dress she had been looking at and met my gaze.  “It isn’t,” she replied with a smile.

Comments
  1. craneclaw says:

    Hey I’ve read a few of your latest entries and really like your style of writing. Very poetic in your descriptions. In fact, it made me wonder if poetry wouldn’t be a good style of writing for you… “Light shattered the canopy of summer green” – amazing!

    Anyway, I think your writing is really good, and I very much like the style. The only critique I have is that I feel there aren’t enough emotional descriptions of what the main character is feeling. For example, in this post, I was waiting to hear how the main character feels about going shopping with Evie at the last minute. I get the impression she’s maybe a little annoyed, but I would definitely have liked to see that for sure. In this little part, “Before I could say anything else, she was gone. I grabbed my wallet from the top of the dresser and bee lined for the front door. My walk would have to wait.”, I think emotions could be more clearly defined. The fact that she made a bee line for the door makes me think she might be excited about going with Evie, but saying her walk would have to wait makes her seem annoyed. A definitive statement there, or some carefully placed descriptive words would help define the character’s feelings a bit more, which would make the reader feel closer to the character.

    I hope this is helpful! I’m definitely looking forward to reading more and seeing where this goes! 🙂
    -C

    • zoechance says:

      It’s funny you mention that. I just got done reading the chapter again and felt the same way about that entry. Thanks for the critique and keep them coming if you spot more inconsistencies of the same, or other areas than need improvement. Lastly, but not the least, thanks for reading. 🙂

    • zoechance says:

      I just updated entry 16 with this:
      “Before I could say anything else, she was gone. I didn’t know all that much about Evie, but the word fashionista came to mind more than once. She was always dressed to impress, right down to the surgeon worthy line edging her lashes and stylish up-do. I grumbled at the nagging suspiscion that this “trip to town” could be translated in to a single word-shopping. Shopping-not my thing. I prefered to keep my wardrobe uncomplicated-jeans, layered tops, flipflops or my Chucks. But, I was a guest and fely obliged, so I grabbed my wallet from the top of the dresser and tried not to mope my way out the front door. My walk would have to wait.”

      yea? ney? let me know if it works 🙂

      • craneclaw says:

        Great job! That’s so much better! You gave us four things now: a better idea of Evie’s character, a comparison of Evie and Kat, a better feel for Kat who we can now also picture better, and how she feels about having to go out with Evie suddenly. Well done!

      • zoechance says:

        Thanks, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me honest feedback…you made my day.

      • dollyperry says:

        Love this. So much more character now! Good job with the update!

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